mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
