My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize