Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Randomize
