i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
