And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I smell like Dick and happiness
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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