God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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