i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
