i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
