So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
