I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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