Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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