i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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