No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
there is glitter all over my balls
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
