Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
