If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
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