My nipple is on Facebook.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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