I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize