haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
