This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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