drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
