I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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