I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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