that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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