do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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