My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
