just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
