Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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