If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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