did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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