My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
