It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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