You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
