he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
