Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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