can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
youre lurking in front of me
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
