And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
