Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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