dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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