When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
