Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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