Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
