There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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