somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize