I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
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