It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
