K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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