Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
