Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
