if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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