I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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