we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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