I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
