So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
