so explain again why im purple
no
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
