I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
