I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
