There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
