I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Randomize
