we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
the condom got lost in my hair
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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