i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
