I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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