I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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