You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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