I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
