He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
