Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
