the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i dont even know how to be here
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
