The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
