a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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