And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
