remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i think i have herpe
just one?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Randomize
