drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
